Thursday, September 18, 2014

Pocketfull Of Miracles

Isn't it funny when what could seem like a BIG deal, for example, a really BIG birthday (sshhhh Shelley), turns out to be the best thing ever.

It's got to be a change in attitude.

I remember my birthday last year, 6 months out from my breakup feeling shattered and slightly shamed. Why, because I wasn't in a relationship for my birthday?

Did I think I was less of a person for being single? Less deserving of cake?

If so, this past year has proven that theory to be completely false.

I have learned so much. Not to let fear guide my decisions. Not to be afraid to ask for help. To listen to what I need and want and when it's possible to give it to myself. Not to be afraid to say yes. Not to be afraid to say no.

To let new people into my life and as a result have my life color enhanced by their presence.

I survived a breakup, shoulder surgery, flying, riding metros at rush hours, traveling alone to meet people I only knew thru the internet. I did this with the help of loving friends, a sense of humor, a daily dose of gratitude and the support of you.

I am finally becoming the person I want to be.

For this I am extremely grateful.

I'm not even halfway there, but I'm learning to love the journey. Empowerment is a glorious thing.

Does anybody remember that Dixie Chicks song, "The Long Way Around"?

Story of my life. maybe yours too....

 Now I'm gonna crank up that song, run a hot bath, slip in a dollop of Laura Mercier amber vanilla honey bath gel, sent to me by the ever missed Elle, (merci cheri), and chant thank you to the universe.

Then a good nights sleep.

Now that's happy birthday making.

xo J

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Remembering 9-11

I'm just home from work and I took a stroll down the hill to pay my respects to the  Pentagon and remember all those that died that day, in Arlington, New York and Pennsylvania.

In my world, on 9-11, the conversations always turns to "where were you on that day". I imagine it does in other cities and countries around the world.

I'll tell you my story.  It was not my personal tragedy but it had a profound impact on our country and our vision of ourselves as invincible.  It lodged a ball of fear in my heart I am slowly breaking through.

Tony and I had just closed on this house on September 10th. It was a lengthy, messy closing, with his name misspelled on every page.

After hours of initializing every mistake and sitting through all the other trauma that makes home buying so stressful, we  stumbled out of the lawyers office about 9:00pm.

Starving and already sick to death of the house we decided to skip our own home inspection in favor of food and sleep.

The next morning was a perfect blue skies, sunny day. We agreed to go check out the new house after work. I was watching the Today Show at home when the first tower was hit. It was Lauer And Courig hosting, they didn't know what was happening. Those were the days of innocence. I left for work, none the wiser.

I was at the flower shop, in the basement, when our driver came running in and told us to turn on the TV.

We did, and time seemed to stop. The second tower had just been hit. I called the shop owners who were vacationing on Nantucket and urged them to find a TV.  By the time the call was over, Flight 77 had hit the Pentagon.

I called Nantucket again and told them we were going to close the shop. but yet we stayed together for several more hours, underground in what we call the hell hole. We felt safe there, together.

When I walked out of the shop, it was eerily quiet. No cars, so planes overhead, no cell phone ringing, our world had shut down.  It was still a beautiful day but now the very air seemed filled with fear.  What next, everyone wondered.

There was a steady parade of silent suit clad people walking down Lee Highway in Arlington, trying to get home. The carried the jackets, briefcases and silent phones. It was like a long, funeral procession.

Highways were closed. bridges were closed, Starbucks was closed.

I went home with several friends from the shop, we sat outside at the table, everyone making frantic phone calls that went nowhere.

I felt selfish wondering to myself if our house was even standing. It turned out to have been in the flight path but the only thing that was down was an old diseased maple tree in the back yard.  All its branches fell off and buried themselves in the ground.

When our street was finally opened to traffic, several days later, we walked around the tree in silence, wondering about all the holes in the ground around it and where they could have come from.

For weeks after, as we worked on the house, there was a steady stream of  military Humvees driving past and people from every state, parking on our street, to walk to the hill that now holds the Air Force Memorial, carrying armfuls of flowers and photos to honor the dead.

In 2002, I planted white cottage yarrow to commemorate that day. It's still blooming.

Every year we do a grave blanket for the widow of the Captain on Flight 77, who died along with all his passengers when the crashed into the Pentagon. I spoke to her on Tuesday.

She told me it never gets easier. I told her we will never forget.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

On Leaving One's Comfort Zone.

And going to Baltimore.

Not that Baltimore is outside my comfort zone, I have a crush on that city.

But in order for me to go there I had to climb every mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow.....well you get it.

I had to take a lot of public transportation.  At rush hour.

And if any one remembers, it was just last year I got over my fear of the metro, flying, and other methods of transportation that were not in my control.

In other words, everything but walking, riding in cars with friends or taking my little local bus.

But luckily I had spent the past year forcing myself past these self induced fears.

And with every trip I took, came the courage to take another.

So if the only way I could see my ex, Tony, with his partner and their two children. Nora, two days short of her third birthday, and the new 8 month old Sam, who had  all flown in from Oregon for a week of friends and family time in Pennsylvania was to meet halfway in Charm City, the mountain would move.

It took a bus to the metro, 2 different subway trains at rush hour,( a totally new adrenalin rush for me) and then the comfort of Amtrak to get me there. A cab ride to the Inner Harbor and there they were.

And it was worth every flicker of uncertainty. 

When I told one of my workmates where I had gone yesterday, she listened with her mouth open.

This is not the Jane I know, she said.

But it's the Jane I used to know, years ago, when every day was a possible adventure, when life was experienced first hand, not just through a book or a movie.  When the whole world was my garden.

So I'm bringing her back.

She's more fun.

xo J

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Sunday Funday?

I did so hope we could do FITH tomorrow.

But then I remembered it's Labor Day weekend and many people are places other than their house and garden.

I'm off as usual Sunday and Monday but not only do I have a house full of disobedient cats, I'm dog sitting the lovely Lab this weekend.

Lucy loves her, Gus always has to show her who's boss and the little roommate was afraid of her but after some private time together on Saturday he too is a fan. Even though she are a box of his date bars.

Just let that though sink in for a moment, date bars eaten by a dog. Rice has been added to meals, walks are frequent and highly profitable.

She has a cast iron stomach. And I now realize telling someone whose first language isn't English to put all edibles up on the top shelf in his room isn't enough of an explanation. "What is edibles" should have been my first clue.

But we survived.

Now hoping to survive this weekend. After a suspiciously beautiful summer, the Virginia heat and humidity has arrived.  It was all I could do to water the plants at 7:00am, eye the weeds and apologize to the few plants drying up in their pots I had promised a forever home this weekend.

Ain't gonna happen.

I even have all the air conditioners turned on and I'm of the belief that if you keep windows open, clothing to a minimum and stay hydrated, you can live without ac till bed time.

Not today folks. I have my Sunday Times, cold sparkling water, myers lemons, turkey bacon and ripe ripe tomatoes.

I foresee an afternoon of BLT's, reading, napping, and very short dog walks.

Not a day fit for humans or animals to be outside.

Except for Gus, who's been MIA for the last two hours.

He's either burrowed under the box woods or lurking in the creepy basement. Either way he's dirty and happy with a piece of duct tape stuck to his  abdomen.

Oh don't even ask. It's Gus.

Wish I was Here.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Prairie Home Companions

Really? Do I only post on Mondays now?

I've been busy digging holes.

Adding grasses, echinacea, butterfly milkweed and sages, subtracting Queen Annes lace that over took the baby love rose and almost killed it. 

Taking out dead hypericums and hydrangeas that didn't survive that last winter.

Turning my garden into a prairie.

Next I'll be making my own dresses out of calico.

But I'm so happy with the new look of the back berm, I'm moving slowly from bed to bed. Dividing iris, giving away  some of the invasive but beloved pale pink lily of the valley to my new garden conscious neighbor, changing it up.

Hopefully plantings that will require less water in the future.

Though I just did the math and thought, am I actually going to be digging up these grasses in three years and dividing them?

Highly doubtful but we can dream.

Dream someone else will do it.

The amazing part of all this is that I can do the digging.

I just "graduated" from shoulder surgery today.  6 months out. Passed all my tests, paid my 20.00 co pay and left the office with tears in my eyes. It's over.

I asked the Doctor if I could salsa dance now.

"Could you salsa before you tore your rotator cuff" he asked.

"Yes I could", I said.

" Then dance away", he said.

Maybe I'll go clogging instead, seems to fit my new prairie lifestyle better....

Special thanks to my friend Gwen who shot me a text to tell me I had misspelled prairie in the blog title.


Monday, August 18, 2014

The Great Escape

When I advertise for a roommate, I mention several things. One, of course, is how small but charming the house you know where my blog title comes from.

Another is you must love cats.

And I can't stress that strongly enough. When people write me back extolling their virtues or stating their needs, I often write them back and ask but do you like cats?

I got the nicest email from my current roommate, he said he was quiet, clean and respectful ( and who doesn't like to hear that) and then he said, but most importantly I love cats.

I immediately set up a time to meet him.

And he turns out to be all of the above. And then some.

He has more picture of Gus and Lucy on his phone than I do. He takes selfies with them. He waits up for Gus to come home and lets Lucy in and out, in and out.

And he leaves his room open so they can wander in and take a little cat nap if desired. On his clothes naturally.

He moved in about a week before the window problem was solved.

While I was on vacation, the two little rascals, as their last sitter calls them, decided they needed to be in control of their own destiny.

So they ripped holes in the vinyl wall panels on the side of the window air conditioners and proceeded to go in and out the window whenever the hell they felt like it.

The first morning my friend Rina was outside watering she saw Gus walk by with a mouthfull of something....what the what she thought.

She ran in the house to find Lucy peacefully lying on a bed of sunshine so went back to the garden.

Only to find Lucy sitting on the fence behind her.

I knew what happened when I got her text. It happened before when I was on the Cape and Elle was in charge.

We replaced the old panels before I left for Fire Island and I thought the fort was secure.

I was wrong. Again.

This time I called in the neighborhood troops and after a trip or two to Home Depot, my neighbor Carlos made sets of very thin cedar panels that cover the vinyl and so far have kept the little darlings in.

At least until they figure how to use a screwdriver.

Hell hath no fury...

Sunday, August 10, 2014

The Armchair Traveler

I've had a new housemate for a week now.

I think he's only here for the month of August, we shall see.

He's a 26 year old Syrian doctor, who's been in the States for 2 years doing rotations at different hospitals around the country and will be applying for resident positions in September.

He has a younger brother so was forced to leave Syria before conscription into the Army.

If you're the only son, they don't take you. If there are two or more, they make you.

He didn't want to fight against his fellow countrymen.

I've been getting quite an education.

When we're not talking politics, we're talking food.

He tells me about a favorite dish, then we're both on our computers googling away in English and Arabic, translating pomegranate or eggplant.

I make him fattoush, he brings me chicken kabobs from his favorite carryout.

Catholic, Muslim whatever, a love of food has brought us together.

Today I made a batch of turnip and beet pickles, he just keeps admiring the color.

 The color of his childhood, in vinegar. Give them a week, I'll let you know how they taste.

One of my neighbors gave me his CSA box so I threw the white eggplants on the grill then whipped up a baba ghanoush, I roasted peppers and covered then in olive oil and garlic. I can't seem to stop cooking.

  My boss told me the Universe takes good care of me.

She's right. I try to be grateful. For such a reluctant traveler, I get a lifetimes worth of education just sitting around the table in the garden, eating, listening and learning.

The world is ours. It's often full of unexplainable horrors but if you look long enough you can see the beauty.

Thank you Universe. I'll try and keep my eyes open.